Hello!

This blog has been revived! Who knew? I need to figure out how to have it email me when someone posts. I'm sure they have a super easy notification system. But I'm excited we are playing again!

I read through the check ins and decided that it would be a good idea for me to do one, but since I'm feeling a strong desire to write on my personal blog (I totally got distracted by new posts here) I'm just going to do a really quick check in/update.

I am now at my heaviest weight since getting married. Not ever, so that's nice, but it's still not a good place to be. I have spent a lot of time being upset about my weight and how high it has gotten. I have even put some effort into fixing it.
However. I have decided to stop worrying so much about my numbers on the scale, on my clothes, on the measuring tape, whatever. I am not a number and numbers should not be able to make me feel so incredibly disgusted with myself. I should not feel like I am a failure and dwell on the results of this particular shortcoming. Try to fix it? Absolutely. But obsess and constantly indulge in negative self-talk? Definitely not.
I also had an interesting conversation with my sister-in-law about healthy lifestyles and teaching our kids. My mother-in-law made a comment about hoping that her children do not follow in her footsteps as far as health goes, and it occurred to me just how often she (and others) make(s) comments on family members' weight and health. How often shortcomings are pointed out. So I turned to Jocelyn (who never works out but is still thin) and asked about her family's habits when she was growing up. Did they worry about weight? Did they constantly think about making the right decisions? Was it a constant battle to stay thin?
Her answer was a resounding no. They *never* thought about it. Their parents kept healthy food in the house and so the junk food was not a temptation simply because it wasn't there. They were taught to eat healthy foods and portions just because that's how it was, not because they were always focusing on staying healthy.
Obsession is never healthy. I know what is good and I know what is not. I know that I am 40lbs heavier than I was before I got pregnant with Rachel. I know that I want to be healthy and sever the family legacy of obesity. But I cannot obsess. I cannot feel miserable because I made a poor decision, or even a string of them. I am more than a number. More than a dress size. In many ways it's not even important.

So much for keeping this short so I can write on my other blog! And maybe everyone else has already realized these things and didn't get anything out of this. But it's nice to get it out and sort out my own direction so, if you're still reading, thanks for letting me get it out. I'm glad this blog is back and I'm glad I have a place to put this.

Goodnight.