Hello!

This blog has been revived! Who knew? I need to figure out how to have it email me when someone posts. I'm sure they have a super easy notification system. But I'm excited we are playing again!

I read through the check ins and decided that it would be a good idea for me to do one, but since I'm feeling a strong desire to write on my personal blog (I totally got distracted by new posts here) I'm just going to do a really quick check in/update.

I am now at my heaviest weight since getting married. Not ever, so that's nice, but it's still not a good place to be. I have spent a lot of time being upset about my weight and how high it has gotten. I have even put some effort into fixing it.
However. I have decided to stop worrying so much about my numbers on the scale, on my clothes, on the measuring tape, whatever. I am not a number and numbers should not be able to make me feel so incredibly disgusted with myself. I should not feel like I am a failure and dwell on the results of this particular shortcoming. Try to fix it? Absolutely. But obsess and constantly indulge in negative self-talk? Definitely not.
I also had an interesting conversation with my sister-in-law about healthy lifestyles and teaching our kids. My mother-in-law made a comment about hoping that her children do not follow in her footsteps as far as health goes, and it occurred to me just how often she (and others) make(s) comments on family members' weight and health. How often shortcomings are pointed out. So I turned to Jocelyn (who never works out but is still thin) and asked about her family's habits when she was growing up. Did they worry about weight? Did they constantly think about making the right decisions? Was it a constant battle to stay thin?
Her answer was a resounding no. They *never* thought about it. Their parents kept healthy food in the house and so the junk food was not a temptation simply because it wasn't there. They were taught to eat healthy foods and portions just because that's how it was, not because they were always focusing on staying healthy.
Obsession is never healthy. I know what is good and I know what is not. I know that I am 40lbs heavier than I was before I got pregnant with Rachel. I know that I want to be healthy and sever the family legacy of obesity. But I cannot obsess. I cannot feel miserable because I made a poor decision, or even a string of them. I am more than a number. More than a dress size. In many ways it's not even important.

So much for keeping this short so I can write on my other blog! And maybe everyone else has already realized these things and didn't get anything out of this. But it's nice to get it out and sort out my own direction so, if you're still reading, thanks for letting me get it out. I'm glad this blog is back and I'm glad I have a place to put this.

Goodnight.

July Check-in

I like the idea of monthly check-ins. Weight loss is not a short trip! And things are so busy right now (when are they not?) that monthly check-ins are more likely to happen.

So. How's things? Meh. I still have a long old way to go.


The various goals have become kind of mushy. I need to post them inside the cupboard where I keep my snacks or something, so that I think of them more often.

But, here they are.


1. No more than one piece of bread or one sandwich at a meal.

LOL. Bread is tasty. I suck at this. I should re-write this goal in terms of keeping up the veggie intake. Let the veggies crowd the bread. I think that would work better.


2. If I have dessert, it will be only one helping in a day.

Most days, there's no dessert. Most days, if there is, I can keep it to one, no problem. But then we go to my BFF's house and there's potluck and everybody is an awesome cook... yeah. I over do it those days, every time.


3. Drink 2 quarts of water - every day.

 I'm getting there. Most days, I'm close, if not quite there. I've got my 2nd quart sitting next to the computer as I type this, and I'm probably going to have it down before I sleep. The water thing is improving, and everything works better when well-hydrated. Including getting rid of fat.


4. Daily supplements.

I need to get some more of these; I've run out of both the magnesium and the dandelion-burdock concoction that I drink.


5. Weekly bike rides, at least for the summer.

Dragon has learned to ride without training wheels!! Which means that we can start going to the park on bikes again. I told him that he has to practice his brakes some more (funny how important stopping can be), but we made it to the park again tonight, and it was just lovely. Gardening is another summer thing that I can do to increase the activity level pretty painlessly. And my yard thanks me when I do it. And the kids are big enough now that they're not going to run into the street,if I take my eyes off them for .05 seconds.


The big development is that I've started a notebook tracking things. I write down how I feel, what I eat, the physical activities, any remedies I take, and basically anything that seems relevant. I'm collecting data, so that I can find patterns. Like, yesterday, something that I ate didn't agree with me. We had a movie day for the kids, and our friends brought over some very processed food - cheetos. I had some of those, and also some rice crispie treats. This morning I was up fully 2 pounds when I got on the scale. I suspect that it was the very processed cheetos, more than the rice crispies. Tomorrow, I'll probably make another pan of rice crispies for the pot luck we're going to, so I'll be able to compare my body's reaction. I need to find my thermometer too, and start charting my cycles again. The kids got so bad about swiping my thermometer that I got out of the habit - and my cycles are so much more regular now than they've ever been, that it's not bee a problem. But I am convinced that there is a hormonal aspect to my weight, and to why its so difficult to get rid of. Or perhaps some allergy. I know that my body hates high fructose corn syrup: 1 soda will put me up 2 pounds the next morning. I'm looking for other patterns, trying to ferret out the pieces to the puzzle that is my body.

Goals Update - July

Happy July, all! I wish I could say we were doing fun stuff this weekend, but all our holiday plans are in limbo cuz we got sick kids. Hopefully we all get better/ stay healthy!

Anyway, so my goals back in June were these:

• Eat a salad every day
• Don't eat dessert every day
• Get up and move every day

Eat a salad every day.
Well, while there was overall improvement in this area over what was before, I didn't stay consistent. I kept track of my days in all the goals so I could remember things for a whole month. The first two weeks were excellent! Then we ran out of lettuce (turns out we ate more than previously). Then we went on vacation. During the vacation, I did make a more conscious effort to eat veggies, but certainly not every day.

So, all things considered, for this area I give myself a C+.

Don't eat dessert every day.
I suppose this area is so broad that as long as I don't eat dessert at least once in the month I'm winning! However, I opted to take it week by week to better see trends. Again, the first two weeks I did very well and things tapered off from there. Also, the vacation didn't help (s'mores anyone?). However it's actually been hardest since we came back. My boys, who slept great the whole vacation, have decided that they don't need to continue that lovely trend now that we're at home. We've had a series of terrible nights and I make terrible food choices when I'm exhausted.

So, overall, this one gets a C-.

Get up and move every day.
Again, some improvement over what was in this area. And, actually, the vacation helped this area. Except for the traveling days, we went places and walked a lot. Dude, stairs while wearing a 20lb baby are no small thing.

This area I give myself a C+.

All around, for June, I'd call it a solid C. Better than failing, but definitely room to improve. See you in August!